it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
