I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
