My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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