If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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