Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
