so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
