cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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