This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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