if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
