Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
