I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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