when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
