Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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