I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
