I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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