Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
