And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
