omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
