This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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