I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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