They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
