someone threw a dead crab at me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
