ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
