She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
