Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
