what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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