i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
