We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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