What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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