butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
