i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
