Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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