i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
