Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
