Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
