You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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