I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want nice things and good sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
