If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
