Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize