hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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