I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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