Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
