I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
