it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
