oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
