he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just pee around me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize