There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
