he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
