when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
