If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
