Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
