My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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