Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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