I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
