Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
