Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sarcasm needs its own font
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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