watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
