I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My first STD was from a foam party
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize