6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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