I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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