Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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