So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
