A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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