i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize