I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
