i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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