i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3pm strippers are depressing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
