He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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