I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My penis needs a shock collar
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
