Where is the hickey?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And then he peed in my hair
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