there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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