so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
