i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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