Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
